Lessons I Learnt from When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi

 

Although this is a book about death, it really is a book that makes you think about how to live. It asks important questions about what makes life worth living and how to find purpose. It shows you how to confront despair and exhibit courage.

I had dreaded reading this book because I knew what it was about and I was not ready to subject myself to a gut wrenching, ugly crying, deeply moving read. I don’t know what finally convinced me to pick this book up from my shelf and read. I finished reading it on a plane and I am not ashamed to admit I cried many tears in a plane full of people as I read it. This book is beautifully written and so intelligently thought through. You can tell that it was written by a remarkable mind going through an extraordinary life event that has allowed him to think deeply and clearly about the existential questions haunt us like what does it mean to live? And what kind of life is worth living.

Here are some of the things I have learnt from reading it:

 

1. Dying is inevitable.
2. Death is never easy but surrounding yourselves with the people you love as you go is what counts.
3. Despite the sorrow and pain you feel, remembering the love, laughter and life that you have shared with your loved ones will make the final journey easier.
4. Focus on the happiness and wonder you have experienced rather than the pain and sorrow you feel in that moment.
5. Prolonging time is not the same as prolonging life. When breath becomes air and person you love ceases to be who they were, it’s time to let go.
6. A mere heartbeat does not a human make.
7. They tell you to live life each day but that is difficult to do. So make plans. But make them shorter term. And don’t make them inflexible. The best made long term plans have no chance of standing up to the inevitable turns your life will take.
8. Always have a goal to work towards. Goals give life meaning.
9. If you want to be good at something then you have to spend time at it. Practice does make perfect.
10. Find a calling not a job (not everyone is lucky enough to be able to do this but strive for it if you can)
11. If you believe that God does not exist because science does not explain God then you also need to believe that love, meaning, hope and all those other things we strive for also don’t exist because science doesn’t explain them either. There are no good explanations for the things that make life worth living.
12. We do not understand everything. Our understanding is limited by the constraints of our mind. Make room for humility and know your own limitations. This will make room for you to believe in and strive for the things that give life meaning.
13. Religion provides strength and solace when the mind cannot.
14. Love is a wonderful and transformative thing. Those who have it in their lives are truly blessed.
15. Reading makes you a better and wiser person.
16. Document your life. Write. You never know who it might help one day.