Pakistan Bans Facebook

20 May

Pakistan has banned facebook. And if you thought that was funny (or not) it just gets better. Because we decided to ban youtube and wikipedia and blackberry service too!!! because those sneaky Pakistani’s were trying to access facebook on their blackberries. Naughty Naughty!

Can someone pinch me please so that I wake up from this Orwellian nightmare? Or wait, dont….because in this nightmare, the biggest problem in my country is that people are upset about a facebook page. I can live with that. If I wake up I might return to the Pakistan where there is no electricity, no gas, no water and no safety.  Tantrums over facebook are infinitely better. 

But what’s this tantrum about? Its about a group of attention seeking people on facebook who decided to host an event called Everybody Draw Muhammad Day and tried to get people across the world to draw images of the Prophet  Muhammad (pbuh). And this offended the religious sentiments of our people. So they took to the streets because a facebook page had hurt their feelings. And our judiciary, was so upset by their adoring masses being upset that they took prompt action on our hurt behalfs and decided to give it to the offender. They promptly slapped the offender with a……….. (drumroll)………….. court order!

Bravo!!  Take that you offending website!

You thought you could have your blasphemous fun!? Well, we banned it!! You cant do it anymore!! HA!

What!? You mean you can get that offending content through other websites as well? Hang on …let me call Daddy SuoMoto and get him to take notice of this. He’ll fix it. He can fix anything!

Daddy!! Its not just facebook! Its all the other kids too! Can you ban them as well!?

Thanks! I love you!

Ok done! Now you cant get it on any other website. Phew! Daddy saved the day again! We manged to stop their nefarious designs!! Now they cant do it!

 They can!? How!? Arent they afriad of daddy’s orders? Arent they upset that we arent talking to them or looking at them? Surely they are going to stop now!

They arent?? But There are Muslims across the world standing up in rage and protest. Islam is the fastest growing religion in the world. There is a new protestor being born every second!! 

Huh? You mean …. the rest of the Muslim world doesnt care? They didnt say anything? No rallies? No protests? No burning things!?

You mean the event is still going to go on!???

ummmmm……yes….

Unfortunately, the incitement of religious sentiment in the name of free speech continues and we are the laughing stock of the world.

You mean our court order and our protesting didnt do anything!?

It did!! It made headlines the world over again (because we werent getting enough attention as it is! :P)  and we reaffirmed the world’s belief that we are a nation of myopic fools who’s faith isnt strong enough to withstand a facebook page and who’s priorities are misguided enough to push to the top a page on a social networking site while turning a blind eye to the chaos and destruction that surrounds us.

Given the scope and breadth of the internet, its really hard to control the flow of content. But one cant blame us for trying. Did someone think about the sustainability of this order or its viability before it was implemented? Obviously not!! Thought makes for boring headlines! Already we are beginning to see a domino effect, and the telecommunications authority is shutting down one social networking site after the other. Where will this ridiculous ban end? With the banning of the internet!?

When will our hypocrisy end? When Media houses were banned during the Lal Masjid operation and the Long March because they were inciting violence and civil unrest, they took to the streets and protested in the name of freedom of the media. Could they please stand up and let us know why its ok to ban one medium and not their particular media outlet? What happened to all their “principles”?

(Did someone say they didnt ever have any excpet self promotion!? WOW! harsh!!)

And what happened to the strength of our faith? Is it really so weak that it gets offended by a facebook page? I would say that makes for pretty weak belief !!

But this website is against our religion you say…..

Not just me …but the court order too. Daddy said we couldnt do anything in this country that was against our religion…thats why he ordered the ban.

Oh! Now you tell me. Ofcourse, its part of the law. Why didnt you mention this important rational legal argument before!? Makes total sense now. I apologize.

But …..if thats the law and we care about implementing the law so much especially when it concerns religion; what about the other teachings of Islam? We seem to disregard those completely. Funny that we get so mad about a facebook page but not about cheating, lying, thievery, bribery, rape, harrassment of women….I thought those acts were forbidden too?? Where and when did God tell us that a stupid facebook page that shouild have been ignored as a childish attempt to attract hatred was a graver crime than those we commit against our own countrymen and women?? I totally didnt get that memo.

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6 Responses to “Pakistan Bans Facebook”

  1. Sarah May 20, 2010 at 5:00 am #

    Well done Sehar… my thoughts exactly!

  2. Mehak May 20, 2010 at 6:31 am #

    you tell ’em, sister!

  3. umair May 20, 2010 at 6:55 am #

    wikipedia, facebook, youtube, flickr…

    and to top it all during mid day they figured what the hell lets close google too so no one can do anything.

  4. Tariq May 20, 2010 at 8:04 am #

    Loved the satire-filled piece you have written.
    My sentiments exactly. Wish more people thought rationally.

  5. Farhan May 20, 2010 at 8:26 am #

    The great nation of Pakistan has done it again. As the only nation given the right by GOD or Allah to protect his name and the name of his Prophet; the People of Pakistan have stood up again.

    As the ONLY Muslim country in the world only we are legally allowed to fight for Islam and seek attention in any way shape or form while our Democratically Elected President and son indulge themselves in drunken debauchery.

    While crying over privacy concerns is another thing, blocking websites and putting paid uneducated men (check out the picture on CNN.com, who thinks the baba jee white dari knows what Facebook is?) on the streets to protest is another thing.

    I think its time stop asking God to Bless Pakistan… its time the People of Pakistan Bless it and let it function.

  6. Rida Malik May 20, 2010 at 8:50 am #

    Thank God we have wonderful, sensible, rational, and educated people among us! Love you Seharoo 🙂

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