Karachi Vs. Lahore (with love from Islamabad)

14 Apr

ST: I want to eat paaye

JQ: Disgusting

ST: Yummy. Sticky and Goeey.

JQ: I have never had paaye.  I’ve never had maghaz, zaban or testicles or liver or kidney or anything of that sort. Nor do I intend to.

ST: Yum Yum all of the above.  Try katakat which includes all of the above. Assorted fried parts doused in spicy sauce. What’s not to love?

JQ: Yes,  I know. I don’t like the assorted fried disgusting parts

ST: Kidneys are especially yummy.  Mmmmm…. wah wah wah…my mouth is watering at the very thought of their tender succulent meat.

JQ: NO!  Ok stop!

ST: Soooo meaty and divine!

JQ: Please stop!

ST:  Sometimes, I am disturbed by the thought that deep down in my soul, I’m a meat loving, Math adoring, prone to guffawing loudly, Punjabi man. I even like my women fair and beautiful; the Lahori types you know. I don’t find the sultry Karachi types attractive.

JQ: haha   yes…… Lahori types…… omg……  there actually is a Lahori type

ST: Duh!  Of course!   It’s the kind loved by all Lahori men and found most frequently in Lahore

JQ: Yes

ST: It involves many layers of make up

JQ: shiny clothes

ST: Hair lightened to resemble near blondeness; face bleached to resemble blankness

JQ: Blonde streaks if not the entire head

ST: and bling …on anything and everything that can accommodate it

JQ:   Angoothian. Sonay ke “set.”  Basically the society pages of Sunday

ST: Oh! Tum tau Gujrat pauhanch gaye ho.   Lahore mein ab aisay nahin hota! Zamana badal gaya hai

 JQ: Gujrat nahin, abhi to mein Chen One pohancha hoon. Kuch nahin badla!

 ST: The gold is a little less garish

 JQ: That’s because there are Damas outlets now they don’t have an excuse to wear shit jewellery

 ST: But the rings are just as bling!! However, a little more tasteful as individual pieces but generally a collective monstrosity on one hand when worn ALL-together. And frequently worn ALLTOGETHER.

 JQ: Haan

ST: The loud and not subtle display of wealth is still the hallmark of Lahori society

JQ: Like a malang

Me: Just shinier…..

JQ: Lahori women come most frequently in the clingy and generally squeaky category

Me: And giggle at non-funny inconsequential things

JQ: Coy and Conniving!

ST: The third “C” is reserved for the Karachi types. “Coke snorting.” Them Karachi girls are the dark and sultry, smoking a cig or snorting coke type. Usually very thin. Hair done up in those beehive poof things. And they wear chunky, beady jewelry and dress like euro trash.

JQ: Dark and sultry and with KGS accent. Power = paar, interesting = intrstinnnng

ST: and everything is long drawn out – “Sooooo smooooooth”, “ toe-talleeeee”

 JQ: Vowels are also strategically removed: operation consonant freedom

 Me: And Urdu is strategically removed

 JQ: Yes!!

Me: Or actually strategically misused. And then fake embarrassed laughter at not knowing Urdu generally ensues

 JQ: And if it is ever employed, it is in the form of a proper noun or verb

 JQ: “let’s go biryani, yaaar”

 “what?”

  “go biryani”

  “what does that mean, Paaro?”

  “uff you uncultured lahoris”

ST: Also, they like abbreviations for everything

JQ: “huh, what? ”

ST: Like GT

JQ: yes!!!  GT!

JQ: first time I was invited to a GT  I was shocked and amazed   that we had Gran Turismo racing in Pakistan. I was all, “Where!? Where!?”  And they said “Maani’s pad, yaaaar, in Zeeeee block”

ST: I just want to tell people i have to go to a CTBT instead. Too bad I can’t come up with clever alternate meaning for CTBT so I can use it every time I’m invited to a GT as an excuse

JQ: CTBT?? “It’ll be a blaaaast”??? No?

CTBT is the juice shop in front of Samaa in Liberty

Choti Tind; Bari Tind   i.e. Shehbaz and Nawaz Sharif. CTBT is their favorite juice spot too

ST: But I’m looking for it to be a verb so I can go CTBT

JQ: And KGS folks love appending “you know” to everything

ST: or YA?

JQ: YA! And why don’t they say Gulshan-e Iqbal   they say “oh, just turn into gulshan, maani….the driver will come and pick you aaaap”

ST:  Abbreviations are the sincerest form of familiarity. They like to portray excessive familiarity with everything. The Lahori girls portray familiarity with nothing.

JQ: Look at us bitchy federal territory people

Me: Pretending to portray familiarity with the Lahoris and Karachiites? I think I’m  going to publish this on my blog

JQ: NO!  If you must change my name! I don’t want the Malir assassination squad after me.

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10 Responses to “Karachi Vs. Lahore (with love from Islamabad)”

  1. Earnest Eustice April 25, 2010 at 4:43 pm #

    Hey, I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say GREAT blog!…..I”ll be checking in on a regularly now….Keep up the good work! 🙂

  2. fourreasons August 1, 2010 at 1:57 am #

    loved this post!

  3. sulemanwrites September 7, 2010 at 5:15 pm #

    I really really enjoyed reading it. Great one.

  4. Nida September 18, 2010 at 5:27 pm #

    Love the post but hate the divisions! Why can’t we all be just Pakistanis!

    • Shah Rukh March 1, 2011 at 5:24 pm #

      Yes I am wid NIDA..
      Why can’t we all be just Pakistanis???

  5. Gulmeenay September 21, 2010 at 10:25 pm #

    You be very funny and I lowe you! Your varrry lowe-ing fan,
    Gulabo

  6. Abdul Ahad Farooqui November 26, 2010 at 2:40 pm #

    Hi I guess i m bit late. But great article i m from karachi and from malir…

  7. aalia January 8, 2015 at 12:16 am #

    CLASSY islamabadis are rare
    mostly they are delusional (aping the west doesnt equate to class)

    the entire city is filled with paindos from across the country who only feel better about themselves by putting lahore down.

    • ali July 23, 2016 at 2:28 pm #

      I agree with u Aalia,,, Islamabad is full of Paindoos and now while they are in capital city they start disgusting 2 great cities like Lahore and Karachi and feel themselves over he moon… Lahore will always remain Lahore the Versatile city with Culture, History, Trend, Style, Glamour and Never ending Charm,,, Islamabad has nothing to offer except Government offices,,, Karachi and Lahore have Life,, all Trends and Styles come from Lahore and Karachi which these Islamabadi also follow

  8. Oh Haripa! April 1, 2015 at 2:36 am #

    1. Just LOL.
    2. Both girl descriptions can be found in Karachi and Lahore. I’ve seen a couple classy ones too. (Just letting you knwo.)
    3. I’m insulted that their isn’t a non Karachi, Lahore, Islamabad option! (JK! 🙂

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